this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
