You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
