I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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