you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
