And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
