Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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