also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
