Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
