I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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