..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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