these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
