Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
