In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
