Say something about gay babies.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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