those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
