Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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