I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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