why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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