these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We don't watch enough power rangers
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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