Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
