It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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