her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
