garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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