the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
