So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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