i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
