Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
