The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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