My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
