Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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