Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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