literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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