Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
