weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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