Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
