she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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