I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize