At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
