I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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