i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
