what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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