"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
