exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
