I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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