I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize