Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
