all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
