Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
