If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
