The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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