After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
