i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
