I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
