I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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