I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just pee around me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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