Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
