so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
