the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
