i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
