There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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