I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize