my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
