You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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