I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize