i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
