I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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